enough is enough.

from a small girl to a grown woman

I was told on repeat by my parents,

siblings, partners, and teachers

that I was too much, too demanding,

too loud, and too overbearing.

 

I was abused, groped, fondled

and manipulated, then

emotionally abandoned at just

eight years old to come to the conclusion

that I had asked for it.

 

I became self-managed,

self-governed, hyper-vigilant

and self-contained so

that you wouldn’t think I was needy,

childish, or helpless.

 

my entire life I experienced

acute cognitive dissonance as

my terrified exiles stood in the

corner with their noses pressed

against the wall, waiting for permission

to move on, while belligerent fighters

and domineering managers hissed

obscenities and forced them to keep quiet

so no one would doubt we were grown.

 

it has taken me 45 years to

acknowledge that I am whole,

capable, strong, and wise, and

it may take me a century to

forgive myself for carrying the burdens

that have literally broken my body, but 

I am good and I am kind, and although the room

is crowded with grief, I will

always be enough.

© June 9, 2021 heather brager