from a small girl to a grown woman
I was told on repeat by my parents,
siblings, partners, and teachers
that I was too much, too demanding,
too loud, and too overbearing.
I was abused, groped, fondled
and manipulated, then
emotionally abandoned at just
eight years old to come to the conclusion
that I had asked for it.
I became self-managed,
self-governed, hyper-vigilant
and self-contained so
that you wouldn’t think I was needy,
childish, or helpless.
my entire life I experienced
acute cognitive dissonance as
my terrified exiles stood in the
corner with their noses pressed
against the wall, waiting for permission
to move on, while belligerent fighters
and domineering managers hissed
obscenities and forced them to keep quiet
so no one would doubt we were grown.
it has taken me 45 years to
acknowledge that I am whole,
capable, strong, and wise, and
it may take me a century to
forgive myself for carrying the burdens
that have literally broken my body, but
I am good and I am kind, and although the room
is crowded with grief, I will
always be enough.
© June 9, 2021 heather brager
