wet snow piled on
the roof, a blanket
over every story
their hands holding,
then letting go
tender skin clinging
tightly to muscle,
membrane, and bone
the resilient are
solitary, damp soil
thudding on the coffin
though the stars,
remain an ethereal
tutorial, drifting
across the sky
I will lie alone
and repeat lyrics to each song
under the moon’s phases, inside of
vacant nights I will inhale the
feral emptiness that
creeps into the spaces
where you left me waiting,
not caring that my heart
was in my lap
I must speak my truth
I will dream of your beautiful
sleeping face and arms
tenderly with burning regret
while I repeat,
repeat, repeat
you just didn’t know how
to reach the place
where the river bends
© 1.3.2024 heather brager
morning light
falling softly over
objects in the room
delicate textures
adjacent under
covers
nostalgia is
silent aching
the belly
the heart
her hands
his skin
she is
too sensitive
for this
world
love is
an animal
space flooded
squirming under
pressure of
drowning
he is
too tender
restrained by
anonymous
distance
secrets behind
locked doors
she is
a bending
field of
wildflowers
sun blazing
golden
an emptiness
in his chest
© 12.16.2023 heather brager
you are leaning forward, head in
your hands, in the grey bathrobe that she
gifted you for Christmas 2019
at a desk in the whitebread Midwest
after she mourned your imaginary death
at least ten thousand times
now you resurface out of the gloom
of the past, slowly rising back
into her vision, tourniquets floating to the top
demanding closure while you proceed to gut her
with the splinters of your own regret
you accuse her of manufacturing your pain, the
racism and history of violence and
abuse are hers, dragging random triggers
from the shore, while your
written words are a fabrication and
sunken apology, your attempted murder
botched by the only woman who was
brave enough to love
you and the dismantled
future of your failed escape
your lips are moving, your
hot mouth forming phrases that you
pocketed after dragging the creek for
remnants and comparable bodies
you were taught to fill space with
excuses, justification for why
you have been missing, validation
for the reasons that you keep
coming.
back.
I envision your body sitting still
long enough to feel
the mud settle against your skin,
knowing I could see you drift away
if the water was clear
I calculate and edit for days
until your reappearance, the
creature of dismissal birthed in
your absence slides out of its den
with an articulate strike,
and like the opportunity, you
are gone.
© 8.31.2023 heather brager
what is perfection
what you cannot have,
that which sets you free
and pays you back
tenderly, with cupped
hands
on this timeline
in this lifetime, you
owe elsewhere
my heart
in my mouth
om tat sat
om tat sat
and your tongue,
teeth on my neck
what is this really
how much of you
was pieced together
by bleached vertebrae,
crow feather, smoke and
the wind from the
west deepening
obsidian, those eyes
and freedom
nailing you down
om tat sat
© 8.5.2023 heather brager
